I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
i need some magic done to my vagina
I have fence marks all over my body
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
