wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
