you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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