Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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