if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Say something about gay babies.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
