Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
