Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
