its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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