Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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