hell yes lets make some ravioli
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
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Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
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He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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