Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
