I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
