I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
