You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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