A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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