cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
we made out on top of his cat.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
