1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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