on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
