So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
