I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize