there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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