I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
