I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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