So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
