Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
ttyl tear gas
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
