I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
True college students do jello shots in the library
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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