Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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