What a fucking waste of an outfit
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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