i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
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Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
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I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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