remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize