Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
