just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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