I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
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