We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
