If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
