just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
