Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
