Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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