I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
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Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
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Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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