I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
