Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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