I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
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