Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
