On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
