i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
