i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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