i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
