And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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