Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
