I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
