Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
