Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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