you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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