They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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