i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
