dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
