one word: firstdatebathroomanal
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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