dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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