when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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