Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?

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  (847): I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops? http://tfl.nu/7gnj
  Replies (12) Good night (2960) Bad night (521)
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  (714): View more from California

  he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday

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  (714): he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday http://tfl.nu/odld
  Replies (18) Good night (534) Bad night (6276)
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  (626): View more from California

  They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes

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  (626): They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes http://tfl.nu/n6ba
  Replies (9) Good night (4139) Bad night (958)
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  (925): View more from California

  He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"

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  (925): He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest" http://tfl.nu/ei63
  Replies (12) Good night (3798) Bad night (536)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.

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  (503): Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie. http://tfl.nu/g56z
  Replies (13) Good night (3626) Bad night (954)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.

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  (520): The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out. http://tfl.nu/jqhp
  Replies (5) Good night (2363) Bad night (994)
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  (805): View more from California

  I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.

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  (805): I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever. http://tfl.nu/1uws
  Replies (6) Good night (1155) Bad night (2474)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?

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  (540): casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks? http://tfl.nu/0uf1
  Replies (16) Good night (2349) Bad night (1302)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.

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  (517): Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying. http://tfl.nu/uj2j
  Replies (3) Good night (2053) Bad night (722)
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  (818): View more from California

  On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?

  (1-818): View more from California

  I'm about a 7.95

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  (818): On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies? (1-818): I'm about a 7.95 http://tfl.nu/5dnz
  Replies (7) Good night (1112) Bad night (448)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can

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  (775): He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can http://tfl.nu/kb09
  Replies (17) Good night (1443) Bad night (847)
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.

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  (660): What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food. http://tfl.nu/k4pm
  Replies (10) Good night (1092) Bad night (388)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?

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  (604): True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame? http://tfl.nu/gz7a
  Replies (4) Good night (447) Bad night (896)
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay

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  (251): My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay http://tfl.nu/tgej
  Replies (4) Good night (726) Bad night (245)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.

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  (703): BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES. http://tfl.nu/8c1x
  Replies (3) Good night (355) Bad night (1114)

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