dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.