you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in