nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
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Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
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I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E