I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
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you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
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When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.