What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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