yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful