Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
i think i just lost a toe
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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