I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
