Kiss
Puke
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
