So drunk, too bad you don't want this
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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