I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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