i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
