Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
We're facebook friends in real life
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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