Where did you get a picture of my penis
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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