My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
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