idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
is it fun? or sober?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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