Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
